Beyond Expectations

Moving Beyond my own Expectations

Beyond Expectations book

I have always thought of myself as a writer and assumed that this meant that, one day, I would ‘be published’.  What I hadn’t realised, in spite of my NLP and Narrative Practice training and experience, was that I was holding myself back.

The clue lies in the phrase, ‘be published’. With hindsight I now see that I was waiting; waiting for someone to come along and publish me.  Having discovered this blind-spot, I have re-framed my interpretation of those words and now see myself as author rather than character in my own story.  What may sound like a small change in my thinking has made a significant difference to who I am being and it suddenly makes sense to publish my own work.

Once I achieved this seemingly small breakthrough, several interesting things occurred: I recalled being published in a small magazine while still a teenager; remembered that I’ve had poems published in a well respected poetry magazine; and acknowledged that, while magazines and websites have published my articles and book reviews, I have not allowed myself to interpret these facts as evidence of my being a published author. I already am published but had somehow failed to allow myself to notice the fact!

It’s fascinating to think that I have spent so much time waiting for something that had already happened.  The story that I was telling myself, my ‘Waiting to be Published’ story, was preventing me seeing the story I wanted to see – my ‘Published Author and Poet’ story.

We can all have unconscious expectations holding us back. Once we see the possibility of a different story for ourselves, all sorts of new possibilities open up.

It was working with my son, writing and launching my life-coaching App ‘Beyond Expectations’ that triggered this amazing bit of self-discovery and prompted a re-authoring of my own story.  In creating a series of coaching exercises to help you let go of your own limitations, I was unconsciously coaching myself, letting go of some of my own, invisible and self-limiting expectations.

Have a look at Beyond Expectations here It is a 4 month course of coaching exercises based on the Narrative NLP principles that inform my work with clients.

Later this year I will be publishing the material in book form. Watch out for my novel and a poetry collection too.

Once you let go of whatever is holding you back, there will be no stopping you!



Authenticity in the Real World


Authenticity in the ‘real’ world

a woman checks her compass

How is it that it can be so difficult to lead an authentic life?

Now I’m well aware that there’s more than one definition of authenticity and some people will argue passionately, not only that their definition is right but that mine, or yours, is therefore wrong. Well, I’m side stepping that for the moment [but am happy to come back to it later if anyone expresses an interest].  Use your own definition for the purposes of this thought-burst and see how well it fits.

I suggest that the reason it can be so difficult to lead an authentic life is at least two-fold;
i) it is too complicated for another to follow the many complex trains of possibility-thinking that authenticity demands.  It’s one thing for me to hold all these diversions and maybe’s and it-could-be’s in my head in the fleeting instant that I see, hear and feel them, and entirely another proposition that I could accurately re-present it all for you and that you would then accept it all unconditionally. (See what I mean, complicated isn’t it?)
ii) It is rare for one person’s authenticity to sit comfortably with another’s without some element of persuasion. Given the infinite nature of the possible possibilities how could it be otherwise?

I would go further and suggest that if you do find someone who validates your particular brand of authenticity, you will want to forge an alliance.  And if, together, you attract others to join you, you will be branded a cult.

For me it seems that a pre-requisite of authenticity is an acceptance of the necessity for going it alone.  This doesn’t mean I can’t have friends or love my family and the world but it does mean letting go of the notion that they can complete me in some way.  I have to be complete in and of myself in order to be truly who I am being.

And, in the real world, that’s difficult.

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