Category: 3 – NLP

What is e-coaching and How Could it Help Me?

outline sketch of 2 people face to faceCoaching doesn’t have to be by the hour, face to face or a long drive away.

You may have been thinking ‘NLP sounds interesting’; ‘I wonder whether talking to a life coach might help’ or ‘Could a conversation about my story make any difference to my life?.

But… I can’t spare the time; don’t want to sit in an unfamiliar room with someone I’ve never met before, or don’t have the luxury of a car, train fare or live near a convenient bus route.

Increasingly I have been working with clients by email and telephone and via an Android App, and find that this way of working suits people for many different reasons and can have unexpected benefits. 

Both ‘phone (in which I include Skype) and email coaching can be a quicker alternative to face-to-face work.

Three 20 minute (or six 10 minute) emails can cover the same ground as an hour’s conversation, and more if your attention span is short or available time is limited.someone is typing a message

Email and Apps have a feeling of immediacy; you can refer to them whenever and wherever you choose.  It’s demand led coaching in the sense that you can email me instantly a thought occurs, view my reply at a time and place that suits you, take the time you need to consider and reconsider an exercise, and reply when you are ready.

This way of working can suit adults because it can easily be designed to fit around work, family and child-care arrangements. It is also particularly convenient for young adults whose anxiety might include unease about appointments, travel or meeting new people.  

Mobile phone Apps and text messages are a possibilityMeanwhile younger people are so comfortable and at-ease with their smart phones that they are already using the device for personal  development and self-help, so an App or coaching call is nothing out of the ordinary.

In a way e-coaching gives you more power and authority in the coaching process. You have more control over how much to say and when to say it. You can take all the time you need to think and rethink before responding to me. You can choose to include friends and family and extend the coaching through important conversations with the people who matter most in your life.

Some people report feeling safer because online they can cry in privacy or laugh without feeling embarrassed. This can be a significant factor in helping you feel greater equality in the conversation. You are the expert in your own life. 

So, if traveling to East Devon isn’t feasible, or one to one work doesn’t appeal, email or ‘phone me today and we will arrange coaching that really suits you and your lifestyle.

Don’t Let Positive Thinking Get You Down

Photo of young woman thinking‘I’ve lost my job’, ‘My partner has left me’, ‘My child is failing at school’.

How can we, as coaches, expect our clients to ‘think positive’ in the face of the realities of daily life?

While scientists have found that we can create positive feelings just by smiling, and on social networks one person’s happiness can spread to countless others at a click of the mouse, it can sometimes seem as if we constantly are exhorted to ‘think positive’ as if this is the answer to all the challenges we face on a daily basis.

Rereading an article by Barbara Ehrenreich in a 2010 issue of Therapy Today I have been interested in the notion that nations aspiring to happiness turn out to be ‘not very happy at all’. Why might this be?

Could it be that we think we ‘ought’ to be happy and that it therefore becomes something to strive for rather than a way to ‘be’?

Another contributing factor could be that, having expended energy on trying to be happy and discovering that there is still some residualdisappointed young man sadness, disappointment or discomfort in our lives, we begin to feel that we have somehow failed.

After all, doesn’t the phrase ‘I’m trying’ suggest that I’m not achieving the happiness I set out to achieve? Maybe the effort to think positive can, itself, be a self-defeating strategy.

Furthermore, if you believe that, in order to achieve positive thinking, you have to practise some kind of self-hypnosis, then your positivity will probably be undermined by your feelings about a strategy that seems to require a level of self-deception.  

It doesn’t sound good for positive thinking does it?

There is no doubting that our mood affects our thinking and behaviour, and I have experienced – both for myself and with clients – how a positive outlook that embraces possibility can lead to the seizing of opportunities that might otherwise have been overlooked. I have also seen how the apparently inescapable grip of old habits of thought; old patterns of behaviour, can be loosened through an unexpected glimpse of positivity, where none was visible before.

Maybe the answer lies in a paradoxical embracing of life’s difficulties… I know I am me because this, this and this, have brought me to this point. Without the experiences and the ensuing sadness, disappointment or discomfort, I would not know what I now know and I would not be looking to change.

This sounds suspiciously like positive thinking doesn’t it?
So why not give this a try?

  1. Acknowledge that life is not always easy, comfortable or happy.
  2. Identify what you have learned from negative experiences in the past.
  3. Trust that armed with this knowledge you need not make the same mistakes again.
  4. Now set out with the positive intention of seeing opportunities and letting go of old habits or thought patterns that weren’t serving you well.

This is the kind of positive thinking that make the present different from the past so that you can look forward to a future of new possibilities.

a rainbow lightens a stormy sky

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