Posts tagged: letting go

How hard have you been trying?

The target seems to keep moving

There is no point in trying

If you think you have tried everything but nothing has worked, the one thing you probably haven’t tried is to let go of trying. It’s more difficult than you might think.

From childhood, well into adulthood, we are bombarded by messages about trying.

second chances are only for those who are not afraid to try again

try, try. try again

“If at first you don’t succeed”; If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again“So, try harder”; “Second chances are only for those who are not  afraid to try again”; “Try, try, try again”.  
We’ve all heard it many times and in many contexts and so it’s not surprising that, at some level,   most of us believe it.

But let’s think about it differently for a moment…  

 

What is the presupposition of the word ‘try’?
             “As long as you try your best, no-one can ask for more.”
             “Try not to…”
             “I’ll try.”

Don’t all these ‘trying’ phrases imply the likelihood of failure?

I suggest it’s time to let go of trying. Either do something or don’t do it. Trying; trying harder; and trying even harder will sap your energy and can lead to a sense of failure.

Maybe it’s true, maybe, in spite of everything we have been led to believe, there really is no point in trying.

What could you do instead?

Finding themes, habits and tendencies

apples bucket

 

Remains

it’s up to you to fill in the gaps

it rained today
the mist cloud luminescent

in the tractor rut in the lane
abscondees have flown the burrows

at night the moon becomes a friend
and singularity

waiting for birdsong and light
I thought of breaking through

everyone in this house has dreamed of flying
but hasn’t looked up for years

unripened apples predict
but know they fall together

like light in mist
the arrow’s lost its point

pebble piles on pebbles piled on pebbles
I should thunderbolt you now

the red morning sun
discovered death and left

falling apart
before I leave
I miss you

napo2013button2

 

For day 24 of National Poetry Writing Month, I followed a prompt from The Poetry School suggesting a found poem. Found poetry, according to a Pulitzer Remix is the literary version of a collage, where authors excerpt words and phrases from existing texts and rework them into new pieces

 

Personal themes, habits and tendencies

In NLP we speak of meta-programs.  These could be described as a set of unconscious and deeply held convictions which influence how re receive information through our senses and thus drive our thought patterns, actions and reactions causing us to behave in ways which we rarely question.  Although they are unconscious, they can be revealed, particularly in our use of language.

The challenge to create a ‘found poem’ seemed to present a golden opportunity to put the spotlight on my own linguistic tendencies. As you know, I have written 23 poems this month so I decided to re-read them and take, from each, the line which suggested itself and use the resulting 23 lines to create a new poem.

This kind of self-reflexive narrative is doubly interesting because it offers opportunities for both objective and subjective consideration.  I could ask:

What does this poem tell you about me; my tendencies and themes?
What can I learn about myself from the themes that have emerged?
What does your response to the poem tell you about yourself?

It is not only with poetry that we can step back and gain new perspectives on what drives us to think, feel and behave as we do.  The life story you tell me in a coaching session offers a perfect opportunity for identifying your own habits and tendencies. With new insights into what has been driving you in the past, you are much better equipped to make different choices for your future.

 

Tell Your Own Fortune

 national poetry writing month 2013
Day 21 of National Poetry Writing Month

The challenge: re-write Frank O’Hara’s Lines for the Fortune Cookies.

 

Fortune Cookie Lines Recreated

You were always perfect, today, more perfect than yesterday, tomorrow…

You will have a future you have not even dreamed of

Everyone you ever meet will be a familiar stranger

Whatever you write will be right but may be left until the left has righted itself

Please contact the person whose contact you have been avoiding

You will never know RLS and KB and many more besides

Relax a little

Your first efforts will necessarily lead to your greatest achievement

Wherever you go will be the place to be

Your dreams have a lyrical quality which only you can translate

It is up to you to fill in the gaps

Who do you think you are? It turns out that’s who you will be.

You think your life is on a downward spiral but life is upside down

Something will happen

That’s not a pain in the neck, it’s stargazing

I realise you know all this but did you know you knew?

Whenever you wear white I know all’s right in your world

The next person you don’t speak to might have an intriguing proposal

A lot of people in the room wish they were you.

Have you been to those classes yet?

At times a glance at your watch may be misconstrued

What would you do if you didn’t have to do anything?

If you were a prisoner here, how would you escape?

Eat, drink, and self-authenticate

Put yesterday behind you

Whatever has been stopping you has stopped.

 

What has all this got to do with Narrative NLP and Life Coaching?

digital thought womanIf you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always had.  

In order to transform your experience, you need to do something that will feel strange.  The moment of confusion that the unfamiliar triggers is the moment when something new is beginning to seem possible.

Take any of the lines of the poem and treat it as if it were true.  When ‘A lot of people wish they were you‘ is true, what does that say about you? Now what happens when you see yourself living that as true? Does it feel unfamiliar?  Good, you are experiencing a new perspective.

Try another one; ‘Please contact the person whose contact you have been avoiding‘. That has to be unfamiliar; and what difference does it make?

Now think of something that has been holding you back and consider ‘Whatever has been stopping you has stopped‘. That’s the point of Narrative NLP.  It helps you reach the point at which you know that whatever has been holding you back has stopped so you can let it go.

 

Disaster Prone Ideas

We hear from Owl

the abscondees have flown the burrows
and boast, with borrowed rodomontade 
hard to tolerate, that they will build a penthouse 
outhouse where they will dine on quahog and clove cheese.
They tease us with their bilious recipes
and we receive their dunderhead disaster prone ideas
as if from messengers mercurial and non-pareil.
They leave themselves open to the cowbird
whose own twice curled unhatched 
will play the owlet while our heroes 
squander their love on a future that proves elusive.

 

napo2013button1
nest metaphorIt’s day 20 of National Poetry Writing Month and I have been becoming a little reckless with my writing over recent days.  

Writing a poem every day has freed me up from some habits that had insidiously made their way into my self-perception. 

My reaction to today’s challenge was to throw caution to the wind and just play.  

Here’s the challenge: write a poem that uses at least five of the following words:

owl

generator

abscond

upwind

squander

clove

miraculous

dunderhead

cyclops

willowy

mercurial

seaweed

gutter

non-pareil

artillery

salt

curl

ego

rodomontade

elusive

twice

ghost

cheese

cowbird

truffle

svelte

quahog

bilious

 

Letting Go

NaPoWriMo is proving to be a wonderful exercise in letting go. For reasons which may, or may not, include tiredness, enthusiasm, hysteria, …. [fill in your own word here], I have let go of some of my reserve in writing and sharing my poems.

When I re-read the 20 poems I think I detect a loosening or lightening of tone.  I would be very interested to know whether anyone else has noticed changes.  I expect to return to all the poems later to select some for redrafting, and I wonder what I will notice in the future that I’m not seeing now.

If you want to let go of a habit, thought pattern or tendency in your own life, this might be a model you could use.  Let me know what you think. 

 

No Map Required

storybook

sparkling grey and curious
hypno-storifier
own teeth,  phenomenon
seeks
landscape untrammelled
fellow traveller
for transderivational searches
and singularity

 

napo2013button1

This is poem 19 for National Poetry Writing Month.

Today’s prompt: Write a poem in the form of a personal ad!

 

Letting Go of Unconscious Beliefs

As National Poetry Writing Month continues, I am gaining some fascinating insights into my both writing processes and my beliefs about myself.

I have been discovering beliefs that I do recognise as mine but of which, until now, I had been so vaguely aware that it was a virtually unconscious thought.  It’s like something emerging out of the fog and coming in to focus.

Once it became clear, for instance, that I had been believing that a poem had to be put away for months, recovered, drafted and redrafted before it could be shared with anyone else, I could see that I was behaving as if something someone had once said to me was undeniably and irrevocably true.

Once a vague belief is thrown into sharp relief in this way it becomes easy to see that I have a choice… I can continue as if it were true, or I can decide to let it go.

The Dramatic Art of Narrative NLP

 

Dramatic Change is possible

The dramatic art of changing stories

 

In this short video Ben’s story Paul Zak tells the story of a father and his little boy who is dying of cancer and uses the storytellers’ dramatic arc to explain the neurochemistry of empathy.

The dramatic arc rises to a climax and falls to the denouement

the dramatic, or narrative, arc

 

While he uses the theory of mind to explain our empathy with others, I recognise its implications for understanding our own emotions and influencing, our own behaviour.

When you tell me your story, you offer an exposition of the problem as you currently perceive it.  Our conversation proceeds and tension increases (rising action) as we explore the problem story and begin to entertain the prospect of new, previously unguessed at, possibilities.

The climax is reached when new perspectives lead to a breakthrough so that the power of the old story is reduced (falling action) and you can begin to let go of old thought patterns and habits.

The denouement of the old, problem, story emerges as you identify new ways of being that herald a new direction for your life story.

 

The Narrative NLP arc rises through possibility from the problem story to a breakthrough and through letting go reaches a

The Narrative NLP arc

 

 

WordPress Themes